


In the Eyes of the (Bearded) Beholder

by ShyOwl



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Domestic Avengers, Everyone lives, Fluff, Humor, Insecure Steve Rogers, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Sexual Tension, Thor vs. The Patriarchy, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony on a Tony Quest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 02:42:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8560255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyOwl/pseuds/ShyOwl
Summary: Steve has never been called attractive his whole life. Tony finds this hard to believe.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Ignore the timeline. This is a minor-Avengers AU because I don’t want to touch the angst that’s part of Sokovia and Civil War. They happened but there was no sadness involved. No angst has touched our Avenger-family here. And that’s all you need to know about this fluff-piece.

-o-

Steve looked up and jerked in surprise. He moved so fast that his drink sloshed over the rim and dripped onto the table and his fingers. He licked his burning fingers of the hot tea as he gave Tony a bewildered expression. “Huh?”

Tony snorted and his eyebrows arched impatiently. He was not a fan of repeating himself but sometimes Steve went into dreamy-artist-mode and he’d have no choice. Steve was the only one who earned forgiveness. Natasha too. Because she was scary. “I asked why you rejected to be on the cover of the magazine shoot. You’re the leader and one of the best looking. It makes the most sense for it to be your face.”

It was painful for Tony to say, and mean, since he was always the focus of everything and everyone. And while Tony truly didn’t care for press-tours and being out in the public like he was forced to pretend he loved, he actually liked modeling. He was a good-looking man and it was one of the few things he was a 100% confident about regardless of him inching towards the big 5-0. But this was People Magazine and it was a focus on the humanitarian missions of the Avengers. So it needed a face that was pretty but humble about it.

Ergo, Steve.

“I…what? Why would I be? I mean…” Steve sputtered and Tony would not call it cute. He refused. He did not use words like that. “Best looking?”

“Yeaaaah?” Tony scowled. “I get you’re a bit private and shy or whatnot but you yet to have a photo-shoot. A proper one. Everything of you is taken during battle, by the stalker paparazzi, or archived-old-crap. I think it’s time for you to go through the ringer like the rest of us.”

“Yeah, time to bat those pretty blues at the world.” Natasha noted as she hovered over a box of donuts Bruce had brought all of them. She got first dibs on everything in the house. Because she was scary.

“Uh…” Steve had that confused, lost puppy look on his face. “But…”

“Cap, come on! I’m giving you People Magazine photo-shoot! _The cover!_ It’s big and important. You know how much I like my face on things. This is my gift to you. Merry Christmas.” Of course it was early October and it wasn’t Steve’s only Christmas gift. Tony was customizing a bike and a trip to the Oregon coastline for that. Maybe even another leather jacket because Steve looked so delicious in them. Or maybe a trip to France where Steve could see the Louvre. 

Could Tony buy the Louvre for Steve? That wasn’t too much for a friend, right? He’d need to look into that. 

“I…but…I wouldn’t be the right fit. I’m not…” He shifted uncomfortably as he cleaned up his spilled tea.

“Not?” Instantly Tony, and all of the other Avengers in vicinity, was all ears. Steve rarely sputtered (occasionally when old ladies gushed over him for being a good boy) and he hardly used the word not about himself.

“Good-looking?”

It was probably the best joke Steve had ever said. And Tony was torn between rolling his eyes at Steve’s modesty and laughing himself stupid because, really, that was hysterical.

The others apparently thought the same because they sniggered and rolled their eyes. And Clint huffed a “Yeah, sure, whatevs Captain.”

But Steve’s face pulled into a confused, almost hurt, frown as he looked at everyone. “What?”

“You. That joke. No one is going to nibble on it, Cap.” Tony chortled under his breath unable to hold it back. “It hit a little lame though. Couldn’t you have made a more believable punch-line?” 

Still confused. “What joke?”

“That you’re not good-looking.”

“It’s not a joke?” Steve picked himself up to throw away the used paper-towel. His free hand, now red from the scalding tea, was healing up though he rubbed it nervously against his pants.

“Of course it’s a joke.”

“I…it’s not?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Tony, I wasn’t joking. What are you…what on earth are you saying?” Steve sighed and rubbed his head. “I’m still not caught up with everything I guess.”

Now Tony was growing confused. “What are you talking about?”

“What are _you_?” 

“And sexy-argument number 9,129 has started. Place yer bets. Who will win this time? Odds are not in Starks favor as he has lost 9,000 of these arguments. But who knows, today may be his lucky day.” Clint received the view of Tony’s middle finger for his words.

“Then let’s start over. Steve, you’re the best looking. You need to be on the cover. You’re going to be on the cover.”

“I’m not the best looking, Tony. It’d make more sense for you to be on the cover. My being a leader doesn’t matter. People want to see you anyway.”

“Tony.” Natasha waved for his attention. “Tony, he’s _serious_.”

The statement did not compute for a few moments. How could those words ever be used seriously? 

“Yes, I’m serious.” Steve said with a scowl. It twitched a bit as if he didn’t know if he should scold or not. The poor thing truly looked lost on what was happening.

“Wait…what?” Tony paused, blinked rapidly, checked his pulse and looked at the others who looked as surprised. “Did I just suffer a stroke or something? Or am I on drugs? What did Cap just say?”

Steve’s scowl grew stronger as he made up his mind on scolding, “You don’t have to tease me about it. I’m aware of my lack of appeal.”

“No, haha, seriously, _what_?” Tony grasped his chest because surely he was having a heart attack. Where was Wanda? Was she making them all hallucinate? Did he somehow trip into an alternate reality, because that was sadly possible, where Steve was actually blind?

“Tony,” Steve groaned as he finished up cleaning. “This feels a little mean for you.”

“I’m sorry…I’m just… _what_?”

“What Tony is trying to ask,” Natasha spoke up, pulling her chosen donuts to the side and allowed the men to have at the box, “Is why are you saying you’re not good-looking?”

“Because I’m not?”

“Ok,” Natasha gave a warning stink-eye to Clint who was stocking up on the donuts when his last check-up told him no more sweets. “Why? I mean, what do you say when people tell you that you are?”

“No one tells me it.” Steve shrugged weakly, clearly disliking being the topic and main focus of the group. “So, I just…guys, is this necessary?”

“Yes!” Tony shrieked a little shriller than he intended. He tried to clear his throat and look less panicked when Steve flinched and threw the hopeless puppy-look straight at him. “I-I mean, it’s very necessary. It’s important. Think of it…it like a getting-to-know-you thingy.”

“Great, now that’s gonna be stuck in my head.” Clint grumbled as he pocketed a few more donuts for later.

“We just find it hard to believe, that’s all.” Natasha said simply. Almost softly. Like everyone else in the world, especially women, she had a soft spot for Steve. It was probably the only soft spot she had. And was probably her most dangerous spot so no one should ever go after Steve. Ever.

“Hard to believe…?” Steve looked more lost than ever.

“That no one has ever…uh…” Tony circled his hands as if trying to lure sanity back into the room, “complimented you for being hot? Pointed out how attractive you are?”

“I…no?” Steve gave a quick glance at his reflection on the shiny surface of the table and frowned. “My face looks…normal, right? Average?”

Tony swore he choked on his own spit. “Average.”

“Yes.” Steve pursed his lips. “Maybe below average. My face is too long, nose is a bit crooked, I have freckles that look awkward, eyebrows are a bit…” He trailed off and cleared his throat as a hot blush crawled up from his neck. “Well, you get the point.”

Tony’s jaw was to the floor. It had to have been. There was no way he was sitting here listening to Steve Rogers, Captain America, speak so lowly of himself.

“ _What_?”

“Jesus, Stark, what happened to your ever present, never stopping vocabulary?” Clint said.

“But…but…” Tony felt foolish, felt juvenile, but he pointed over and over again at Steve’s face trying to impact his point. “ _But_!”

“Yes, we’re hearing him too. How about you let him speak?” Bruce offered patiently.

“B-But…” Tony tried weakly but found Clint was right; there were no words left in him at the moment and all he was accomplishing was that he looked like a suffocating fish. Besides, Steve was a logical sort of guy. Intelligent, really. And Tony may have a tendency in jumping out of a conversation before anything was properly explained (because emotions sucked). Maybe Steve was going to say he was too modest or humble and he wasn’t allowed to say he was handsome. Maybe he was saying all of this for Clint’s benefit, cause he was a 5 on the hotness scale while Steve was clearly a 20.

Yeah, this was Steve just being Steve. Steve trying to be a normal guy and not the amazing, angelic, perfect specimen that he was. 

Tony now wanted to give him France.

“Guys, I appreciate what you’re trying to do. I think?” Steve scratched the side of his face in a nervous tick. “But I’m very aware of what I look like. And yes, I get that my body is…decent.” He looked down at himself and frowned, probably because he couldn’t see his toes over his chest.

Tony bit his tongue to not make a lewd comment because there was an opening and, man, there were days he wanted to serenade Steve’s waist.

“But my face _didn’t_ change from the serum.” Steve shrugged one shoulder and he flinched on his feet. “I was put down for it along with my body. I learned pretty quick that my, well this,” he motioned to his face, “was not anything to be impressed about.”

“But look at yourself!” Tony cried out, lasting in his silence for thirteen seconds, and tried so hard not to grope something as he moved his hands up and down before Steve’s form.

“Again, it’s my body that is nice and it’s nice because it’s in shape.” Steve corrected. “And wasn’t something I could have ever gotten without the serum. I work hard to keep it in shape but I think you were right, it’s not anything to really be proud about.”

He was about to scream. Tony could feel it crawling up his throat like vomit. And he’d puked a lot in his drinking days so he knew he was close to spewing something that would be A) very insensitive (his norm), B) very embarrassing, or C) a combo of both.

So, he did his best to clench his teeth and not scream out “BUT I LIKE YOUR FACE MORE THAN YOUR ASS” because he was positive that’s what he was coming up. He was probably red face and constipated looking trying to hold that confession in but he didn’t care. This was madness and he needed to react calmly and not scare Deer-In-the-Headlights Rogers off.

All he needed was thirty seconds to take a few breaths, let his hyper mind do its hyper thinking, and speak to the kicked-puppy-expression-Steve. Goodness, he was too cute. There. Tony admitted it. He used a fluffy word. Steve Rogers earned the term cute from Tony Stark. How could anyone who could pull off that type of look ever think themselves as blah?

“So yes. Uh, yes.” Steve cleared his throat and gathered his belongings. “I’m going to finish my tea in my room. I’ll…uh…see you all later.” And then promptly left before Tony’s fair thirty-seconds finished.

He was left gaping at the empty space and then wildly motioned to it to his group. “What?!”

“We heard. We were here the whole time.” Natasha comforted as she finished up her first donut. “Never thought Steve would be insecure about his looks.”

“Yeah, he looks like a Gucci model.” Clint had his donuts set up in order of what he’d eat. Chocolate was always saved for last. “I still am up for an Avenger nude calendar. Pretty positive we’d make a nice buck from that. August could just be Thor’s arms.”

“No,” Tony started then paused. “Maybe. I’ll have Pepper think on that. For now this is most important! Ok, ok…” He started to pace and try to think about everything properly. This was an issue and he was an engineer, inventor, mechanic, and superhero. He fixed issues every day of his life.

And if he could get Natasha and Bruce to talk things out and shag than he could resolve anything. ANYTHING.

“He said no one has told him…but that’s a lie, right?” Tony spun around to the group, nearly smacking into Thor who was just making his way into the scene. The prince enjoyed lounging in bed until food was served. “Easy, Elle Woods. I’m thinking here. So, right, a lie, right?”

“What is a lie?” Thor asked over a yawn as he made his way to the coffee where he proceeded to pour nearly half a cup of sugar into his drink.

“Steve thinks he’s ugly--”

“He said average.” Bruce corrected.

“Please, we all know what he meant. He thinks he’s ugly. Says no one has ever told him differently but _come on_. Someone has told him, right guys?”

The group paused in their snacking to look at each other.

A collective “uhhh” was shared.

“Right?”

“Well, have you?” Clint wondered.

“I…well…yes, of course…I think…yes? No.” Tony winced. “I complimented that he was rather spry for an old man and wondered if he did something like Pilates. So I complimented his--”

“Ass.” The group finished.

“Body.” Tony corrected with a huff. “But his face? No, I don’t think I have.”

“Or if you did, it was sandwiched in between sass and insensitivity so Steve would never know you meant it.” Natasha pointed out.

Tony bit back a snarl. That was hurtful and very true which sucked. But he did not want to appear immature and like he couldn’t handle his flaws. That and he didn’t want to pick a fight with Natasha. Because she was scary. “What about you, Charlotte’s Web? You’re all cozy with him. _You_ say anything?”

Natasha’s mouth closed and a thoughtful expression came over her face. “I’ve teased him about it. Alluded to it. I thought he always understood…but thinking on it I cannot think of a single time I’ve really complimented him and his looks.”

“Me neither.” Clint stuffed a whole donut in his mouth. 

“Well, you’re just a rude male from the start. No one expected anything else.” Natasha elbowed him and smiled like a feline as he chocked on his pastry.

“Bruce?” Tony called desperately.

“Uh,” Bruce gave his friend a sheepish smile and played with his sleeves a bit. “Cap and I never had shared a conversation about that before. I think I’ve called him charming if that counts?”

“No it doesn’t! And back off with your _charming_ , Bruce.”

Bruce just smiled some more and held up his hands. “Just being friendly. He’s all yours, Tony. Swear it.”

“Good.” Tony snorted through his nose like an aggressive bull. “Ah, Thor!” He waved the large man over from the kitchen. “You’re always touching my Cap. You for sure shared compliments like that with Steve.”

“No, my friend, I have not complimented Steve’s fairness.” Thor tilted his head. “Dear Jane and Darcy have informed me women enjoy the compliment on looks, intelligence, and strength together due to a toxic masculinity overruling their lives and beating down their security do to unrealistic expectations but there has been no discussion for the men.” He cupped his chin and looked concern. “I may have over looked this issue. They spoke to me how men are harmed with the patriarchy as well.”

Tony slapped his hand over his face, “So you haven’t either.”

“Afraid not, Stark.” Thor’s face was pulled into a sad frown. “Have I hurt his feelings by not? It can be common back home to share compliments of beauty but I have heard men here find being called beautiful a sign of weakness and an unnatural, unwanted, femininity _ooooh,_ that’s the harm from the patriarchy.” 

Tony’s shoulders slumped, “This is ridiculous! None of us have?”

“Maybe Bucky?” Bruce provided. “They grew up together.”

“Or Sam!” Clint pounded his chest with his fist as he gagged over dough in his enthusiasm. 

“King T’Challa, maybe. He’s quite a flirt. He’s similar to you in that if it’s hot and it has a pulse he’s on the prowl for it.” Natasha smacked Clint’s back.

Tony growled, “He better step off from Steve.”

“Focus, Tony.” Natasha snapped her fingers in front of him. “You can growler in possessiveness later. We’re on a topic right now.” She crossed her arms and pursued her lips. “It never occurred to me that not only has no one said anything but that Steve would be affected at all.”

“Then let’s get started and get this mystery solved. I can already see Tony getting that obsessive face.” Clint’s expression turned sour once he was able to breathe. “We’re gonna be busy for a long time if he doesn’t figure this out ASAP.”

“I’ll contact Bucky.” Natasha sighed and pulled up on of the many computers to form a Skype call. “I think he’s in China right now, so he may be asleep, but,” she shrugged and went on to make the call. Clearly she didn’t mind being a bother.

It went to a basic voicemail the first time. The second time he picked up and he did not look pleased.

“What is it?” Bucky asked like a grouch. “Emergency?”

“Just a quick question. Sorry for disturbing you but it might be important.” Bruce noted softly, hoping to prevent the Winter Soldier returning with vengeance on the mind.

“Alright, go for it.” He crossed his arms and glared.

“Go ahead Tony.” Bruce pushed his friend who looked like he smelled something foul. 

“Fine, fine…Barnes.” Tony greeted stiffly.

“Asshole.” Bucky said with a cold smile.

Natasha rolled her eyes dramatically. “Let’s skip this ‘I’m Steve’s favorite’ banter and get to the question, Tony.”

But Tony liked to remind Bucky that he was Steve’s favorite. He was. 100%. Bucky was no longer the best friend or the…whatever the hell they once were that Tony never bothered to think about because it made him see green. It was the one and only Tony Stark.

“Tony.” Natasha bit out in a warning. 

“Right, right. So, Barnes; Steve. My Steve mind you,” he swore he could hear everyone roll their eyes and Natasha cracking her knuckles. Really, he was just reminding Bucky of his place. “Have you ever, in all your time…together,” he spat the word out a little more hateful than he intended, “did you call him attractive?”

Bucky physically moved back from the question, “uh, what?”

“Have. You. Called. Steve. Attractive?” Really, people who wear too much eyeliner and had metal arms and had a ridiculous name were such idiots.

“Called him attractive?” Bucky leveled Tony with such a look. “You interrupted my mission for this?”

“Like you and Wilson aren’t sneaking off to every hidden corner you find.” Tony waved him off. “Besides, this is important! Steve doesn’t think he’s attractive and we can’t find anyone who has told him otherwise to this point.”

Bucky continued to glare but blew out air miserably and gave up. He always did when it concerned Steve. “Damn it.” His metallic fingers massaged his brow. “Ok, let me think.”

“Oh, ask Wilson too! I’m very aware of his flirting attempts with Steve when they met. Has he said anything?”

“Ok, ok. Wilson, you heard the psycho, have you?” Bucky asked off camera.

“Uh, naw man, I don’t think I have actually.” Sam poked his head into view. “Is there a problem?”

“Steve thinks he’s ugly!” Tony cried out and threw his hands in the air. “Steve! Steve Rogers believes he’s unattractive! This is an issue and I need to see if someone told him otherwise.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Bucky snorted.

“Barnes, you would do the same stupid thing if it were Sam. Don’t go acting put out.” Natasha scolded.

Sam just grinned like an in-love-dope and gave an embarrassed Bucky a ruffle of the hair.

“Fine, fine. No,” he shook his head honestly. “Don’t think I ever did. I may have called him a fine sort but it was mostly after he was put down because of his illness. I was confident but,” he shrugged, “we made enemies on the streets and we couldn’t have anyone think we liked men at the time. Could get rough for us. Especially if it made it into the barracks. So, I kept how I saw Steve, physically, to myself.”

There might have been steam shooting out of Tony’s ears. “You’re no help!” And then ended the call.

“Well, that was rude.” Clint huffed. “He’s gonna whine about it when he gets home.”

“Like I care what backwoods Ken-doll does.” Tony spun away and went back to thinking. “It’s fine. We still have people to ask…like…ok, Wanda! Wanda had a crush on him for like twenty-seconds. She must’ve!”

He did not wait for anyone else to get up, or try to stop him, as he hurried downstairs, not even bothering with the elevator, and burst in through Wanda’s room in a span of less than thirty seconds.

The young woman jumped before she looked at him in disappointment. “Tony, you can’t just barge into my room.”

“My Tower. My rules. You ever call Steve hot?” He panted, eager to get some answers.

“I…what?” Wanda, much like Bucky, looked a bit taken aback by the question.

“Just answer, please!” Tony begged.

“He won’t leave you alone unless you do.” Natasha warned as she appeared behind Tony.

“Where the hell did you come from?” He snapped, a bit spooked at finding her behind him. Jesus, she was scary.

“Spy, remember? Also more in shape than the men we left behind.” She gave a greeting nod to Wanda. “Did you ever compliment Steve on his looks? We’re on a Tony-Quest.” 

“I have not.” Wanda still had a surprise look on her face. “Should I have?”

“GAH!” Tony slammed the door, impressive since it was a mechanical sliding one, and stormed off.

Natasha reopened the door, popped her head in, and gave her a small smile. “He’s in a mood. No worries. Go back to making out with Vision under the bed.”

“Greetings, Natasha.” Vision called out from the floor.

Wanda blushed as the door closed on them again.

Natasha hurried back after Tony so he didn’t hurt himself. He tended to be a little stupid when he acted for Steve’s benefit. By the time she made it back inside the main room Tony was on with another face-call. This time with T’Challa.

“You call my Steve hot?”

Natasha was tempted to smack her face but she resisted the temptation. Clint did not. “Good lord, Stark.”

“Did you?” Tony demanded to a very amused T’Challa.

“Your Highness, many apologies for Tony being Tony.” Natasha said, hoping to not start a war with Wakanda.

“It is fine. Barnes informed me I may receive a call like this soon.” T’Challa said warmly. His eyes were twinkling something fierce as he stared down Tony Stark. “Now, have I called Steve Rogers attractive? That is a question. I feel like I must’ve given his looks.”

Instantly Tony was a feral cat and he started to growl.

“He has some outstanding features. I myself am still more partial to black men or women, but Steven has something to him.” T’Challa purred.

“Yes, my Steven does.” Tony hissed. “You tell him that?”

“Hmm,” he cupped his chin. “I do not think I have. As a king I can’t show too much public favor or it’d be messy. I’m careful of that. So--”

“No, you haven’t.” Tony had that wild look in his eyes again. “You’re no help either!”

“Stark if you hang up on a king, I’m throwing you out the window.” Natasha warned as she watched his fingers itch towards the end button. “Say a proper farewell to him.”

“Yeah, fine, _bye_.”

“Your highness.” Natasha pushed.

“It’s fine, Natasha.” T’Challa smiled. “I understand Stark is not himself right now. No harm done.” It was obvious he was fighting a grin. He probably felt very good about himself and his own sanity looking at Tony. “I hope you find someone who has. Please keep me informed.” And he ended the link before Tony could.

Tony pushed hands through his hair and groaned. “We have more people on our list, right?”

“Dude, you’re gonna go mad. Well…madder,” Clint gave him a look. “You gotta let it go. Steve is an honest guy, so I doubt he lied about this. No one has told him anything.” 

“Maria Hill!” Tony cried, ignoring Clint completely. “She might have.”

“Only heard her make a comment about Thor. She’s very strict on friendly interactions with people who work for her.” Natasha explained.

“What about…what about,” Tony looked around, “Pepper, did Pepper? No, not to his face. I’d know because she’d rub it in _my face_. Rhodes? No, he’d think complimenting Cap’s _accomplishments_ are the better.” He scoffed at the thought. “Ross? Strange? Richards?”

“None of them would.” Clint sighed and stuffed more food in his mouth. “They’re business first. All bores.” 

“Logan?”

“Probably not.” Bruce noted. “I think he likes brunettes and red-heads more. Besides, Steve has only had small interactions with him.”

“Parker! He hero-worships Steve. He must’ve! Maybe during an awkward sputter or something.”

“We would’ve never seen him again had he done that. No, he’s just complimented Steve on his accomplishments as well.” Clint hummed, counting the ticks forming on Tony’s right eye.

“Lang?”

“I have only seen Lang squeeze Steve’s arms and make a comment about his physique. Nothing about his face, Stark.” Thor inputted.

“Wait, he did _what_?” Yet another name added to Ten Feet Away From Tony Stark’s Property List. He’d make sure the moronic insect-bro got squished the next time the worked together. “Zemo! No, he talked about Steve’s eyes.” Tony tugged at his hair and Clint counted the ticks up to two per second. “Besides, he’s evil. He couldn’t count cause Steve would think he’s just being mean. Ugh! Let me think…let me think…who else? Coulson?”

“Only talked about his accomplishments as well.” Clint said.

“Xavier!”

“Back in his prime flirting days, no doubt, but he hasn’t that I know of. He’d also keep it very professional.” Natasha finished up her last donut before Clint could steal it.

“Pietro! Like his harlot sister--”

“The _patriarchy_ , Stark!” Thor cried out, affronted by the man’s language.

“Like his wonderful, better step away from Steve sister, he had a bro-crush on Steve. He could’ve!”

“I could ask him.” Clint offered since he was the fun uncle to the twins. “He’s just, you know, running to Philly to pick up some cheesesteak he’ll be back in another thirty minutes since we know he’s gonna stop to pet all the dogs. But I know he hasn’t. I’d been told. He likes gossip more than me.”

“We’re running low on the list. It sounds like no one has complimented him.” Bruce said with a sympathetic smile.

“B-But…we haven’t asked…Fury?”

Natasha’s look was pitiful. “Tony.”

“We don’t know what’s going on behind that eyepatch of his! Maybe he really does feel something human? Steve can do that to a person. Fury _may_ have.” Tony tried.

“I doubt he’d ever say something like this.” Bruce comforted. “We just need to accept that Steve was telling the truth. Facts are out there. Now, we need to figure out what to do with them.”

“I…well…yeah.” Tony pouted. He didn’t appreciate his tantrums getting interrupted. “Well, what we need to do is tell him. Fixes everything.”

“You sort of did that from the start and he didn’t believe you. It’s the reason why we’re in this headache.” Clint muttered. 

“Why not hold off on barging into his room and proclaiming his attractiveness? I’m afraid it may be a bit much for Steve since he _left_ the room to avoid this topic.” Bruce offered. “He is a bit introverted so he probably got a little overwhelmed to be the focus on something outside of fighting.” Bruce understood that need plenty. “Let’s think of something else and give him a few more minutes to recoup.”

Tony crossed his arms and grumbled but then sighed. He certainly did not want to approach Steve and have him think this was a tease-fest. He truly wanted the young man to understand his beauty and believe it. Once Steve started to shutdown and lock-up it became next to impossible to get him to see reason.

“Fiiiine.”

“Then we’re done with this?” Clint asked hopefully.

“No, you moron. Now we need to figure out how this is possible!”

Clint groaned and was smacked by Natasha. Thor, too, gave him a stern glare. “Whaaat?”

“This is most concerning, Barton. We have been unaware of a friend and fellow warrior’s pain. We must resolve this whatever way is necessary.” Thor scolded. “And I agree with Stark. Should we find causes it shall make the resolution of the issue easier.” It always came as a weird culture shock to the group to remember that Thor was, technically, a scientist and despite his brash attitude in battle thought of things outside of it with a curious and tactical mind.

“Right! So…how, how could no one tell him?” Tony paced.

“Well, maybe it’s as Bucky said. Things were just different back in his time.” Bruce said.

Natasha shook her head, “It’s possible that’s a factor but I can’t see it being the only part. He lived in a pretty diverse and liberal neighborhood in New York. Of all places at the time, I think he’d have the best chance at getting complimented there.”

Bruce nodded, conceding to her wisdom. “What if we consider, then, the people he was hanging out with primarily?”

“He was only hanging out with Barnes, bullies, and little old ladies.” Tony said as he continued to think and mutter aloud. “And we know Barnes didn’t say anything and I think most of us can agree that little old ladies find most anyone adorable or attractive so I dunno how much they’d count.”

“We won’t count them. Though they’d be honest in this assessment, it’s true that there is no way Steve would think they were being anything more than kind. I had one pinch my behind and told me I’d do.” Bruce grinned sheepishly at the memory. 

“Ah yes, I remember her. She said I could join. I liked her.” Natasha smirked.

“Ok, I am all up for wild sex with loads of kinky people but…ew.” Tony’s face scrunched up. 

“I’d probably hit it.” Clint offered.

“Which is why no one asked for your opinion.” Tony huffed. “Brawny, if Big-Bird here says anything else that is not helpful you hit him with a pillow.”

“Thor hits too hard.” Clint whined.

“Which is what I want. Back on topic.” Tony clapped his hands as if he were ruling over a hyper class. “What else could prevent this?”

“The patriarchy!” Thor bellowed. Clearly, the issue deeply disturbed him.

“True. We’ll make note to take that down before 2020. Sounds good?” After the group nodded in agreement Tony continued. “But that excludes men who feel all icky about sharing their feelings and aren’t comfortable enough with anything to admit a guy is hot. But what about women? There are loads of confident hussies--”

“Again, Tony, we won’t take down the patriarchy if you speak like that.” Bruce warned.

“They’re hussies if they’re looking at Steve. Anyone is. I’d call you a hussy, Banner, if you made a move on him. But fine, there are loads of confident women out there who wouldn’t hesitate to hit on a man who smiles like Steve, has a body like he does, and volunteers at shelters.” It was hard not to sigh dreamily.

“Well, with you and you,” Clint motioned between a lovesick Tony and a Natasha who, out of no where, decided to bring out a blade to play with, “at his arms at all time it may be a bit difficult for someone to come up and compliment him.”

“That is fair too. Steve always looks…taken, you know?” Bruce said. “He goes out for groceries or a run but how long does anyone let him out by himself? Eventually Sam comes to workout with him, Thor goes adventuring with him on shopping trips, and yes…Natasha and you, Tony, do sort of…stalk him.”

“We’re _protecting_ him.” Tony argued.

“Yeah, babe, have you met Steve? Take him by the hand and be all nice and he’d probably follow you anywhere. Remember the story we heard about how Steve was lured into a bunker and ravished just because the woman smiled and dragged him there? Anyone could do that.” Natasha agreed as she twirled the blade in the air and caught it between her knuckles.

“He’s not a child nor is he that naïve." At least Bruce hoped that was the case. It was concerning to hear that Steve could be lured away so easily. "He’s been out of the ice for some time now and is a soldier. You two are just overprotective.” Bruce finally started eating his donut and chewed it as if making an impact.

“Better safe than sorry.”

“Tony, he can crush skulls with his thighs.” 

“I know.” Tony sighed. “God, that’s _hot_. He could break my spine when he holds on to me during sex.”

Bruce rolled his eyes.

“Ok, so maybe other people have that idea in mind.” Natasha pointed. “They think he’s hot but then they remember behind that smile is someone who crushes skulls in thighs and has punched Hitler in the face over eighty times.”

“Gotta admit, it is intimidating.” Clint agreed.

“But people approach Thor all the time. He’s taken, god of thunder, and can crush skulls between thighs.” Tony remembered. “Besides, when Steve smiles it’s hard to remember what he does.” He had gone brain dead so many times from a blinding smile after all, so he has plenty of experience with this for sure science fact. “So why not?”

“People are too shy?” Bruce could appreciate that reason.

“People who are attracted to him sense his lack of confidence and lack confidence themselves?” Natasha sneered at their cowardice.

“It’s not a fad?” Clint hiccupped, his breath smelling like fried dough, and then flinched when Thor lifted up the pillow.

“Wait, wait, Thor, don’t…don’t hit him.” Tony waved his hands as he watched Thor pick up a pillow to smack Clint into the wall. “Wait…that…oh my god, that may be it.”

“Huh?”

“Not that it’s not a fad. But that no one else has done it. It’s like us; we all thought he was getting complimented left and right so why bother complimenting him? We already have my ego let’s not blow up another’s. It may be the shy thing too, the whole ‘I’m sure he hears it all the time, so why bother him with it again?’” Tony’s face drew an expression of realization.

“Oh my god. He’s so good-looking no one thinks to tell him it because he’s so good-looking. It’s the mob-mentality.” Tony was shrieking again as he paced. “It’s why you never just yell “someone call 9-1-1” because everyone thinks the other is doing it. Everyone thinks Steve is called attractive all the time and therefore no one tells him!”

“Well,” Thor tilted his head as he dropped the pillow. “I am unaware of such a saying but that does make sense. It has happened with projects or training back home. If we do not make clear who does what task others accidently assume it is not themselves.”

“But everyone?” Natasha scowled. “I find that hard to believe.”

“It get’s a bit easier when you take into account the other things we listed that are just as plausible. People get a bit intimidated by him because though he does smile at us, it’s not always in public or during interviews. He get’s stiff and serious. Some may think he’s unapproachable. And without his own personal interview or photo-shoot that makes him more human no one will think it wise to approach him.” Bruce nodded in agreement. Steve was one of the kindest within the group but get him in front of a camera or crowd and he became awkward. It would be very easy to misinterpret his discomfort and shyness for grumpiness.

“Then take into account the Avengers stalk him, Tony has staked a claim on him, he tends to actually hide well in big crowds, and people may be a little uneasy about approaching him since he was frozen and all…” Clint shrugged. “Actually starts to make a bit more sense. Since he woke up here, there hasn’t really been an opportunity for Steve to receive a compliment.”

“Have we kept him that locked up?” Tony wondered then scowled when the group gave him a glare. “I’m not that possessive! Jeeze.”

“He is an introvert. And most introverts learn to hide and blend in away from public.” Bruce spoke from great experience. “He may be good looking but…”

“He knows how to keep his head down. His shoulders catch attention, along with his waist,” Natasha remembered the time they rescued Bucky and the Apple Employee was in awe of Steve’s form. “But give him a cap and big enough jacket and he knows how to not turn heads.”

“Ok, well we don’t have any confirmation but it sounds like we have a theory. So now can I tell Steve? He needs to know it’s not his face.” Tony begged. Now that he knew it was the perfect opportunity to slide in some flirts and get Steve to properly squirm. Oooh, he’d enjoy that a lot. Especially if the squirming took place on Tony's lap.

“Tell me what?” Steve asked as he came back into the main area with his empty mug. “Sorry,” he looked sheepish while simultaneously suspicious, “was I not suppose to hear that?’

“No, no! I was just coming to tell you _everything _.” Tony feared he may have purred out the last word given Steve’s blush and tilted brow. He couldn’t help but be a bit excited. Blushing-Steve was one of his favorites.__

“Which is?” Steve pushed, keeping his eyes focused on Tony’s brown ones.

“Tony, easy.” Bruce warned.

“You’re the sexiest thing on the planet.”

“That’s…that’s not easy.” Bruce groaned and covered his face.

Steve, once again, was taken aback. “I…uh…thanks? But…what?”

“I don’t get it! How can you not get it?” Tony whined and threw his hands in the air.

“I’m sorry, but what is going on?”

“How you don’t feel attractive and find yourself average. We wanted you to know that we don’t think that but wish we could make you see otherwise.” Natasha explained. “Hopefully, bring this up a bit slower and with more tact to help you believe it but…well…Tony.”

“Guys,” Steve’s shoulder slumped but he gave them a pleasant smile. “Thanks for wanting to help me out. But you don’t have to bother yourself with it.”

“Bother!” Tony repeated, flabbergasted. “Helping you isn’t a bother.”

“I’m not that upset about being an ugly duckling, Tony. This really isn’t important. There are other things to worry about than how someone looks. Don’t you think your mind is better used with something else?”

“NO.” Tony about stomped his foot.

“You throw a tantrum and I call Pepper.” Natasha warned from the couch. “I have her on speed-dial and she’s working on HR crap so you know she is itching to lash out someone. Calm. It.”

“Yes ma’am.” The last thing Tony wanted was to unleash Pepper’s wrath upon him. “But, Steve, really…it’s not a bother. We want you to feel good about yourself. You deserve it, probably more than anyone in the room. It’s…it actually sort of hurts to know you don’t.”

“You’re admitting something hurts?” Steve laughed in surprise.

“Don’t get used to it. I’m flaying myself out here emotionally for you.” Tony said with a grin. “Yep, right here.” He tapped his chest. “Your face always reminds me of a puppy so when it’s sad I feel a need to donate to the ASPCA.”

“That’s not a bad thing. They could use the money.” Steve said.

“Not what I was going for…but ok.” Tony plucked out his phone and after a few seconds of texting he pocketed it again and gave Steve a smug smile. “Eight animal shelters just received five-hundred-thousand in donation. I would’ve done a million but Pepper capped me at that.”

“I think she intended that you only spend a million per charity move without her permission. You just spent four million right then.” Clint tallied up.

“Ah, whoops.”

“Well, wow, thanks Tony but…well no, thanks. I know the shelters will appreciate it. It means a lot that you would do that.” Steve smiled brightly and Tony felt his insides melt.

“Focus, Tony.” Natasha reminded him again.

“Oh, right, right. So yes, Steve. You are good looking. Nothing else around it.”

The smile fell back into a confused frown. “I still don’t see--”

“No you don’t see. That’s the point. You are _stunning_.” Tony said, trying to get the thick-skull moron to listen and believe him. “I’ve been pissed at you since we met because I knew you would be named the hottest Avenger.”

Steve rolled his eyes, “After you, Thor, and Nat? I don’t think so.”

“Hey, what’s wrong with me?” Clint huffed, offended.

“You are on the disturbing Daddy level. The level we do not speak of.” Natasha commented as she kicked his shins to hush up.

“Oh.” He looked thoughtful and then smirked and nodded. “Yeah, I am a Daddy aren’t I?”

Natasha kicked him again. “I take it you didn’t mention Bruce out of respect to my property?”

“Hey,” Bruce huffed.

“Of course.” Steve smiled back. “Only you can call your library-geek hot.”

“Oh, come on.” Bruce muttered, his own face growing red.

“Good man. And, babe, shush. Eat your donut.” She pushed the cake-donut to her scientist and went back to watching the drama unfold. 

“Steve,” Tony started with a tone to earn attention. “I am always honest with things I find attractive or beautiful. You are gorgeous. And not just your body which, yes, is nice.” Tony thought it might not be in his best interest to tell Steve he had daydreams of just squishing his face in-between Steve’s large pecks and staying there for hours. “But I’ve always thought you had a pretty face.”

“Pretty…really?”

It surprised Tony that Steve did not sound insulted or put-upon with the term. He genuinely sounded confused and a little in awe at it.

“Blond hair, blue eyes, sharp jawline with just a smidge of roundness to make everything smooth, freckles dusted throughout, and lashes that almost put mine to shame.” Almost. None could beat his own. 

"Compliment his intelligence, Stark." Thor scolded. "Our dear Steven is more than a pretty face. He is a grand human with wonderful mental attributes."

"Uh, thanks Thor?" Steve gave Tony a confused stare.

"He's been introduced to the flaws of the patriarchy. We're going to help him take it down later. But we're not talking about his other wonderful attributes." Tony glared at Thor for stealing his thunder, pun not intended. "We're focusing on the fact that Steve doesn't see how gorgeous he is. Because you are." Tony turned back to stare at Steve, hoping he'd believe him if he pushed enough. "Everything about you is pretty! And god, your lips are so pink!”

Steve rubbed his mouth self-consciously.

“No, it’s a good thing, really. A really, really good thing.” And a really, really distracting thing as Tony had been caught staring at Steve’s lips numerous times. “Not to mention your ears.”

“What about them?” Now Steve covered them awkwardly.

“They’re cute! Come on, you have to see they’re cute. They just sort of poke out a little more than others and when you blush so do they.” Tony reached over and tugged at the left one and felt his stomach flip when he saw them start to redden from all the attention. “Right guys?”

“Oh, you remember that we’re here?” Clint was reaching for another donut, his fifth one, but Natasha grabbed his thumb and held it in a way that promised shattering. “OW, OW! Sorry!”

“No more.” Natasha hissed.

“OW, ok, stopping now! No more donuts.” Clint cried out and stuck his thumb in his mouth to ease it’s throbbing once she released it. “That was uncalled for.”

“Quit whining. And yes, sure Tony, they’re super cute.” Natasha tilted a brow at the bearded man. “Have any other words you wanna call them? Perfection?”

“A work of art?” Bruce offered with a grin.

“Other holes you want to--” Clint didn’t get to finish the sentence as his thumb was once again in Natasha’s dangerous hands. “Sorry! _Sorry_!” 

“You all shut-up. Thor hit any of them with a pillow if they interrupt us again.”

“But you included us in the discussion.” Thor noted but picked up his weapon regardless.

“So, yes, they’re nice.” Tony cleared his throat. “I like them and I have very refined taste.”

“You’ve made yourself sick eating five meals from Burger King in a single sitting.” Steve said, unimpressed.

“I never said they were good or pretty though, did I? But when you’re drunk anything that’s nasty is the best.” Tony scoffed. “Besides, that was last year. In case you forgot, you placed me on a healthier diet.”

“And your cholesterol thanks me.” Steve smirked.

“Don’t rub it in." Tony appreciated it because Steve felt like a nagging, worried wife which Tony found he enjoyed. He needed to stop that thinking because his brain was trying to load fantasy images of Steve in nothing but an apron as he cooked. "But, again, missing the point. The point is you’re hot. I find you hot. You ARE hot. The most hot. There are no arguments.”

“Well, uh,” Steve shuffled a bit on his feet. “Thanks, I…uh, I’m glad you think that.”

“Really? Well, yeah, I mean, of course! I am a connoisseur of hot things. If it doesn’t have my stamp, it’s not hot.” Tony huffed and glared at Steve, daring him to argue. “You are attractive.”

“I…well, for what it’s worth, think you’re hot…well…attractive,” Steve’s face scrunched up as he searched for the proper modern word while also suffering a severe case of the blushes. “Too. If that’s ok to think or say?”

Tony’s face took on the similar blush. He felt like a ridiculous schoolgirl and he wanted to throw up his heart. “Yes!” That did not come out as a squeak. “Everyone knows I’m gorgeous. Glad you noticed too. Very glad.”

“Ok, well, good….” Steve looked at his feet.

“Yeah, very good. Yep.”

“Well, yes, good.” Steve repeated. “I…uh, well, do you really think all of that?”

“I didn’t make that passionate speech because I didn’t. We all do.” Tony cleared his throat and tried to get the ridiculous blush under control. He was better than this. More suave than this. And goodness, Steve was so precious when he had the shy-boy look.

“I mean, you…you do? Yeah, I mean do _you_ really think it?” 

“Oh, I… _oh_ ,” Tony was about to throw up his heart again. Or his heart was about to crack a few ribs. Either way, he felt like he was close to dying and seeing stars and why did Steve care if it was him? “Yes, yes I do.”

Steve’s smile brightened and his shoulders squared up as he took a deep breath. “Well, I…as stated I do think the same of you. That you’re a very good-looking bloke. One I would, well,” his fist clenched, “would like to maybe, if it’s acceptable, see out?”

“Out?” 

"Out?" Natasha whispered as she rolled over to watch everything in full attention. "That's my Steve. Go for it."

“Out, I mean,” Poor Steve was so red-face his eyes were burning. He felt all the stares on his shoulders and he tried not to run for the heels.“ _Out_?”

“Out.” There was no way Steve meant out-out. Like out…like a date. No, no, that was not happening. It was impossible. 

“Oh good god.” Clint groaned. “Can you two make out or grind or something? This awkward teen tension is unbearable. OW. _Thor_! You nearly broke my spine!”

Steve’s confidence seemed to sputter at the interruption and he looked away quickly. “Actually, let me go and call Bucky. He left a message about revenge or something and I think I need to look into that so he doesn’t…you know…kill someone. I’ll be back in a bit.”

He left so fast that had the group not understood it was from embarrassment they’d be concern that Bucky was about to rip someone’s spine out.

It grew silent for a few breaths as Tony stared blankly after Steve’s form. “Out? What did he mean? I mean…not _that_ , that, right? Yeah…right?” He looked at his friends. “Bruce?”

“Well,” Bruce was unsure how to explain what just happened to Tony. He was not the best in this department. “You know, he was asking you…out?”

“But not like…out-out?”

“Yeah, like out-out.” Bruce winced at how that sounded.

“You’re all pre-teens!” Clint threw his hands up in the air. “Why can’t you two just screw it out or something?” 

“Hit him again Thor.” Natasha hissed as she glared at Clint who withered under her look. “He was asking Tony out, you Neanderthal. They were getting to that point. How can you not have a mature, romantic bone in your body?”

“Ow! Ow!” Clint was brutalized under many whaps from Thor’s pillow. There was no doubt he’d have many bruises blossoming over his skin within the next couple of hours. “I do! I promise! It just looked like the kid was going to cry and nothing was happening!”

“Then you keep your mouth shut and let it eventually start happening.” She kicked his shins again. 

“Ow, shit! You’re so abusive.” He griped and rubbed his aching body.

“We’re just giving you what you deserve, blabber-mouth.” She then sighed as she stared at Tony. He was frozen in place, twitching, and an amusing but clearly a not all there expression on his face. “Look, he’s all broken now.”

“I’m not broken! I’m just thinking.” At least he thought he was. His brain didn’t feel like it was working up to normal standards. In fact, he was pretty sure the rainbow-pinwheel of death was all that was bouncing around his head.

“Overthinking that’s getting drowned out by insecurities.” Natasha cursed to herself. The two had been so close to making the first step in stopping their ridiculous shyness with each other. And Steve! She was so proud of him for trying to take the initiative even if it flopped miserably in his face because Tony was being ridiculously obtuse and Clint a jackass. 

She worried if things did not get settled the morons would start walking on glass around each other and the last thing the group needed was their leader and ego-maniac at odds with each other…again.

Bruce looked at her, just as lost as Tony, unsure where to take the conversation now.

“So, well, it looks like he may sort of believe you now?” Bruce tried. 

“I guess there is that.” Tony said absentmindedly to himself. He was also muttering other things under his breath as he rubbed his chin. That brain of his was about to throw a big wrench in everything. He’ll soon officially fall into a spiral, convince himself Steve would never like him, and then get angry and snappy and he’ll probably take it out on Steve, which would just be a massive disaster.

She was not letting her ultimate ship fall apart before it started. She could only take so much of their ridiculousness anyway.

Tony thrived with fights and annoyances. So, she’d pick an annoying fight. Seemed reasonable.

“You know, I think Steve _is_ good-looking but,” Natasha tilted her head innocently and smiled. “I don’t think he is the _most_ gorgeous.”

Tony’s chest puffed out and he glared hotly at the spy. Not his smartest move since she could kill him thrice over before he hit the ground but he’d never been the brightest in areas regarding his safety or public-mannerisms. “He’s the sexiest thing on earth. In the galaxy! How can you say otherwise?”

“Hmm,” she used her blade to pick at her nails. “I think because I see him differently than you.”

“How can anyone see him differently?” He snapped, truly insulted for Steve.

“Well,” Clint sniggered. “Not all of us wanna ravish him.”

“Thor.” Tony hissed.

Thor did as told and smacked Clint again.

Apparently, this was enough abuse from Clint who decided the most logical solution was to attack Thor to the ground and start beating him with his own pillow. “How do you like that you brute?!”

Natasha rolled her eyes, “Barton, get off of him, he was just doing as told.”

“He deserves to suffocate!” 

“You’re going to regret it.” She warned.

“A brawl it is, dear Barton!” Thor laughed with joy and captured Clint in a powerful bear-hug and put the pillow beatings to a very swift stop. “Come now, escape the hold so we may continue this properly!”

Clint, predictably, could not escape nor could he properly speak under the crushing might of Thor’s arms. He made little gagging and gasping noises and the group heard his bones pop.

“Are you gonna save him?” Bruce asked his girlfriend.

“Nah. He deserves it.” Natasha reached over and took another donut.

“We still need to talk about Steve.” Tony puffed. “Not Clint and his suffering. Steve.”

“No, what we need to do,” Natasha motioned to the group, “is ensure Clint continues to suffer but does not die. What _you_ need to do is go ask Steve on a proper date.”

For a brief second it looked like Tony’s brain rebooted. He blinked his long lashes a few times and frowned. Confusion was such a sad look on the genius. It was like he had no idea what to do with the emotion. “I…I do?”

“He did give you an opening there.” Bruce noted and winced when Clint was maneuvered into a new position and wow…the archer was flexible. “Well, not an opening. He was genuinely asking you out. And before you start, I do mean date-wise. Not just out. Perhaps it’s time you finally make a move? Return the favor to him?”

“Indeed! We all support your union.” Thor smiled as he continued his very one-sided brawl. “Dear Steve wishes for your courtship. This is a perfect opportunity for you to start it. Go forth and woo him properly!”

“He wants it? He really _was_? As in out? Dating? Me? Steve?” 

“Good god, Tony, _yes_.” She gave up on subtlety. “He wants you bad. Go get a reservation at a nice restaurant, make it a date-place so there is no confusion, and have fun. This dance you two have has blown out of proportions since you just had a literal near anxiety-fit over him not getting a compliment.” Natasha rubbed her brow as a migraine started to form. “You best treat him as a gentleman, though. I hear you and your wandering hands get a little too cozy and I’ll rip your fingers off.”

“They don’t wander that much!” Tony crossed his arms, making sure his fingers were out of her eyesight.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice that you were tempted to grab his chest earlier.” Natasha gave him a sharp glare. “No. Groping. It’s going to be a sweet date. Do that first and then you can focus on his pants.”

Again, the look of brain-reboot appeared. This time it was probably due to very inappropriate images flowing through his head.

“I…well…” The man had looked happy that Tony had said something. And what if he really was trying to ask Tony out but got flustered? Maybe finally asking Steve on a date was a good plan. Yeah, he could get behind that. “Ok, then…shit, I need to plan!”

The group tried not to groan. It came out as pained grins and weak thumbs-up as they all inched away to not get grabbed in another Tony-Quest.

“Yeah, of course, why not in your lab? So it can be private and Steve won’t happen upon it till you’re ready?” Bruce encouraged.

“Perfect! I’ll see you down there, Banner!” Tony grinned and rushed to the elevator, nearly tripping in excitement. He disappeared in the elevator and he was practically bouncing on his feet as the doors shut.

“W-What? Why me?” Bruce winced when Natasha elbowed him hard. “Sorry, sorry. Yes, he doesn’t get excited and confident like this often. Need to support him. Of course I’ll do it.”

“Good man. Now get off my couch so I can lounge.” She nudged him off with the boniest part of her elbow.

Bruce slowly picked himself up and looked at Natasha; a plea was clear in his eyes.

She continued to play with her blade as she made herself comfortable, “I’m not getting any more involved. I did the most today. You lot carry the weight now.”

“You’re cruel.”

“Yep. Make sure Tony doesn’t make something explode. Knowing him he’ll find a way to do that in planning a date.”

“Fine, fine.” He grumbled. “I’m taking the whole box with me though.”

“But I have yet to partake in the breakfast pastry!” Thor cried and dropped Clint mercilessly to the ground. “Let me have some.”

“You’ll eat them all.” Bruce picked up the box and held it close to his chest.

“I shall not, do not doubt my word on this. I shall only take two and will wait patiently for the silver Maximoff to return with the lunch.” Thor huffed as he stepped over Clint’s twitching form and held out his hand.

“Bruce, I think I just confirmed Steve taking the photo-shoot.” Tony called over the intercom. “Was that an oops or an ok to show how hot I think he is? And that I want to date him? Maybe marry him? Have children with him?”

“Oh good grief. It’s been forty-seconds.” The scientist groaned and tossed the box of breakfast to the prince in defeat and headed to the elevator, rubbing his head in agony. He was greying too fast living with this lot.

“I’m also thinking of building him a suit. One to show off his chest…actually, yeah, that’s a great idea. I’ll get the pyrotechnics out.”

Now Bruce was running for the elevator.

“’Allo all.” Pietro’s face greeted Bruce once the elevator opened, two large sacks in his hands and his silver hair windswept. “Barton, I saw a dog in a jumper today. It was great! I also got thirty sandwiches--”

“Out of the way!” Bruce picked up the man and hurled him out of the elevator as he frantically pressed the down-button and calling over the intercom. “Tony, don’t move an inch until I get down there!”

“I just have a great idea for this whole wooing business though. How about--”

“ _No, Tony_!” Bruce called as the doors closed in on him and he headed down to prevent the destruction of the Tower or at least their brilliant, crazy Iron Man.

Pietro turned from the doors and looked to the group. Natasha was humming a Russian lullaby as she continued to toss a blade up and down, Thor was stuffing whole donuts in his mouth, and Clint was on the ground looking more purple and twitchy than ever.

"What happened?"

"Tony is finally asking Steve out after Steve asked him out first. But he's probably going to destroy something in the attempt of love so Bruce needs to be down there so a nuke doesn't go off. Steve is hiding in his room, trying to convince Bucky to not kill people cause Tony is a moron. Clint was an idiot and picked a fight with Thor who showed him what's what. Thor is plotting to take down the patriarchy--"

"I hope you take part in this, Maximoff." Thor beamed over his donuts. "We need all the help we can get to get rid of this toxic ruling once and for all!"

"Yeah, that." Natasha continued to play with her blade. "And I'm enjoying a well earned rest after looking after everyone. And with a full belly of fried dough. That's all that happened."

Pietro's shoulders slumped, “I miss everything fun.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this is the first in a nice collection of oneshots/shorts. I think Avengers (especially Tony/Steve) needs more fluff at the moment.


End file.
